Letters For My Two Ex-GFs

dear sweet,

did i catch your attention? remember the feeling of being called like that?  does it prompt you to reminisce our past? (katawa sab, ting)

i honestly don’t remember the feeling anymore as the song sings. forgive me but i, perhaps, have selective amnesia. 

do you believe in ghost? spirits? yeah! we saw them in movies and televisions. we read about them in magazines, tabloids and blogs. but would you believe that failed relationships had their own too?

i know it’s mind-boggling, bizarre and peculiarly unbelievable. i, for once, don’t care about it. i believe these stories are only tittle-tattles until i finally experienced it first hand.

i found myself at the end of my thinking chair deciphering and understanding why and how it happened? i couldn’t convince myself that our almost three months old failed relationship could create a ghost that would dwell in my midst today. i lost my precious girl due to the working of that sacred ghost of our past life. i don’t hold you responsible for this mess and i hate myself for i could not persuade her that our affair died more than five years ago.

i wish our lives is like a computer which we can always edit to suit everyone desires. that we can just press the “clear” button to wipe out our history. i understood very well that we should recognize and accept our past. it should, in no way, intervene with our present lives. they should be put behind to where they rightfully belong.

i am wishing now that this “relationship ghost” will finally rest. i hear wedding bells ringing for you and Aries.

the haunted (i wish to say),

JMM

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dear pie,

it’s funny that after five years, i’ll be calling you pie. funny not because you were really my sweety pie but your friends used to call you that name. and i always called you by your first name, edelyn.

anyway, i surmise you would be laughing so loud if you know my current situation. it would be a  guffaw with a high note that would or might break my eardrums. i  know you would no longer be envious of my relationship. i could still remember you saying how lucky she was by having me.

candidly, you would be having a big chuckle, a chuckle that would potentially rip out your mouth, because you finally have your revenge on me, perhaps. i, however, don’t deserve your vengeance for you know our story and why we took separate ways. but if having a failed relationship was your sweet revenge of our past, then be it.

it is so funny, anyway, that our failed relationship was one of the reasons of my present failure. funny because i could no longer re-write my past. how i wish we did not meet before. how i wish i have not known you.

i, however, do not blame you for my present predicaments. it is not your working for we don’t live our present by our past. you could never be in anyway connected with my life today, though you had been part of my past and i was part of your past too.

nonetheless, thank you for being part of me for it was you who taught me to hope for a  better relationship. only that it failed.

your past (the proper way to say it) ,

JMM